so tonight my philosophy professor had these nasty bruises all over her arms and she stopped mid-lecture to say “sorry you guys have to look at my bruised-up body, my friend brought a stripper pole over for thanksgiving and that shit is not easy. tip your strippers. tip your strippers well” and then immediately kept talking about philosophy
- me: Can you please pass the butter, Daddy?
- father and boyfriend at same time: Okay.
“Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints.”
thank you for giving us hope and fighting the good fight.
all of my friends hate me (drank) my parents are disappointed with my life choices (drank) i’m stuck in a rut and find it difficult to control myself (drank)
i will never not reblog this
last year this kid had some water damage on this math textbook and when he turned it in at the end of the year the teacher asked him how it had gotten it wet and he looked her straight in the eye and said “from my tears”
"how will i explain gay couples to my children”
if you can explain to your children that an immortal man in a red suit who lives in the north pole travels around the entire world on one night every year on a sleigh carried by magical flying deer i think itll be easy enough to tell them two people are in love
can’t wait for the generation of grandmas with winged eyeliner
Gretchen and I ridin around and gettin it #catlife #zombies #decal #jeep #catswithclothes (Made with @Photo Collage)#photocollage
me trying to reach my goals in life
That’s so perfect aw